When the center no longer holds, what’s left behind? A lyrical dive into star collapse, neutron stars, and the radiant survival stories we carry in our cores.
Again, Christ, not to belabor the point, but how can one not build a metaphor here? Ever feel so heavy and pinned to this earth that you feel like you’ll explode/implode/collapse? Of course, you have. Me too. We just burn through our fuel—hope, denial, coping strategies, the illusion of control. And when that internal pressure fades? Gravity pulls. The old grief, the unsaid thing, the systemic fuckery too heavy to carry. Collapse comes. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes all at once.
Aw, thank you, and you know - it's kinda over my head too. It took me forever to write this one because I had to do so much research, but I ended up so fascinated with it all that now I want to be a hobby astronomer!
And I so feel that universal resonance of that part, the too heavy for our own bones piece of this life, and the absolute inevitability of collapse. I'd say I'm sorry you know this too, but then I know that we ALL know it, it's universal. Part of the human condition. But somehow, we continue—and that's what makes us all miracles.
“transformation,…surviving the crush that comes when we become too heavy for our bones. And what remains when our familiar stories implode under the weight of their own understanding.” Ah so many bones metaphors in this vast piece I’m reading with crutches at my side, a knee- high boot to support the bone in my foot that fractured 2 days after Solstice.
With my soul’s wiring it is almost impossible not to notice the metaphysical levels immediately and I’m grateful and trusting of those. At the same time my dedication is compellingly right here , in my feet, my hands, my heart, my breath.
The center is indeed stronger than ever in the reset.
"My dedication is compellingly right here, in my feed, my hands, my heart, my breath. The center is indeed stronger than ever in the reset". Well, my goodness, didn't that just take my breath away? Whew.
I am so sorry to hear that you fractured your foot, how entirely miserable, especially in the summer. I wish you a speedy recovery and lots of helpful souls in the meantime as you regain motion and movement.
Thank YOU for being here, for reaching, and for recognizing something in me that matters to you, and for taking the time to mirror it back. Talk about a gift! I feel so entirely blessed.
I love this so much and especially the metaphor of collapse, as I have experienced countless collapses and rebirth at this point.
I am just a wannabe astrophysics geek with too much nervous system overwhelm and mental and physical fatigue to actually commit to learning more about this, or any heavy subject, right now.
This writing of yours is really unnerving me, making me so uncomfortable ... It's addressing the comment I made to you on a recent post of yours, where I said that it seems I'm frequently longing for a breakthrough without a breakdown ... I've had more than a few breakthroughs WITH breakdowns (maybe? they were pretty dramatic, disruptive), and although my soulmate and life partner is still here with me (we've recently celebrated the 51st anniversary of the relationship that began when we were babies, just 16 and 17 years old), I cannot imagine my life without him in it and I'm not sure that he will stick around through another breakdown/breakthrough ... or that he will stick around, but he won't be very happy ... Yes, I get that this is my "one wild and precious life", and I need to make it work for ME, but this man really did save me from a future that I do not believe would have been a good one; he showed me that I am lovable as I am, warts and all (and this was NOT the message I was getting from my family of origin, it's still not the message I get from my mother, which is why I have had very limited contact with her over the past 4 years); his family of origin showed me how a loving family supports all it's members, though thick and thin. I have been retired for 15 years now (one of the most recent instances when my longing for a breakthrough in my life entailed somewhat of a breakdown, and required my partner to work for an additional 7 years before he could join me in retirement), and more and more I feel like I want to be doing something MORE with my life and the remaining days I am gifted than what I have been doing ... I don't have much of a clue what "it" is, but it haunts me ... and I am reluctant to do much internal inquiry, introspection, work to figure it out because I do not want to wreck my partnership, my family ... I wonder if I'm just bored with the goodness and contentment of my life, that maybe I have become addicted to the rush of making big and risky changes ... maybe I just need to find a way to reframe what I do with my days as being good, valuable, enough ... I really don't know, but I know that I am scared to answer these questions ... but they're not going away, I can feel that.
More later. But do you remember one of the early questions in wild heart writing “what am I knowing that I do not want to know?” It’s a provoking question. My god, it is. I feel it taunting me, even as I type it to you. But it’s got power, if you’re willing and ready to look it in the eye.
Oh, yes, I do remember that question and I don't think I ever attempted answering it, through the multiple times I went through your class ... it is still too scary ...
Okay, finally returning! Can I say... 51 years!?!? Wow, I bow down to you both for this incredible feat. I also admit to feeling grief and longing for the sort of love story I will not know (I once thought I would, but life changes trajectory sometimes in ways one can never imagine until it is done).
Your comment leaves me with so many questions... wondering if he won't stick around, or if he would but not be happy... It makes me wonder, are these things you talk about? These questions may seem like a lot for a comments section, so feel free to private message if you'd prefer. However, since you left the comment here, I will leave the questions and curiosities as well.
I wonder if reframing might help alleviate some of this discomfort and reluctance? Perhaps the first breakdown is redefining what a breakdown or a collapse or the center not holding might look like. Might it be that all of those things can happen without it crash,bang, boom, imploding your life (or even a portion of it). Might the center give way in a way that is gentle and peaceful or even pleasurable, like letting something no longer needed be swept into the current of a stream and carried off to the ocean? Could it be that the something else or something more comes from the kind of breakdown that is more of an intentional dismanaling and reconfiguring? The sort that is satisfying and itch-stratching and gets the gears aligned?
What if it's okay to be 'bored" and want something new, without having to vilify yourself as the sort of person who is addicted to the rush. what if that craving for newness is directing you toward something affirming and life giving and generative, to you, your partnership, your family - for the simple fact that the more brings you to life in a way you are not right now?
This is so interesting and so much over my head 😅
But this part, so good:
Again, Christ, not to belabor the point, but how can one not build a metaphor here? Ever feel so heavy and pinned to this earth that you feel like you’ll explode/implode/collapse? Of course, you have. Me too. We just burn through our fuel—hope, denial, coping strategies, the illusion of control. And when that internal pressure fades? Gravity pulls. The old grief, the unsaid thing, the systemic fuckery too heavy to carry. Collapse comes. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes all at once.
Aw, thank you, and you know - it's kinda over my head too. It took me forever to write this one because I had to do so much research, but I ended up so fascinated with it all that now I want to be a hobby astronomer!
And I so feel that universal resonance of that part, the too heavy for our own bones piece of this life, and the absolute inevitability of collapse. I'd say I'm sorry you know this too, but then I know that we ALL know it, it's universal. Part of the human condition. But somehow, we continue—and that's what makes us all miracles.
“transformation,…surviving the crush that comes when we become too heavy for our bones. And what remains when our familiar stories implode under the weight of their own understanding.” Ah so many bones metaphors in this vast piece I’m reading with crutches at my side, a knee- high boot to support the bone in my foot that fractured 2 days after Solstice.
With my soul’s wiring it is almost impossible not to notice the metaphysical levels immediately and I’m grateful and trusting of those. At the same time my dedication is compellingly right here , in my feet, my hands, my heart, my breath.
The center is indeed stronger than ever in the reset.
Thank you for your incredible gift Jeanette
"My dedication is compellingly right here, in my feed, my hands, my heart, my breath. The center is indeed stronger than ever in the reset". Well, my goodness, didn't that just take my breath away? Whew.
I am so sorry to hear that you fractured your foot, how entirely miserable, especially in the summer. I wish you a speedy recovery and lots of helpful souls in the meantime as you regain motion and movement.
Thank YOU for being here, for reaching, and for recognizing something in me that matters to you, and for taking the time to mirror it back. Talk about a gift! I feel so entirely blessed.
The words were but drawn forth in the space here. Blessings and deep bow to you sister soul
I love this so much and especially the metaphor of collapse, as I have experienced countless collapses and rebirth at this point.
I am just a wannabe astrophysics geek with too much nervous system overwhelm and mental and physical fatigue to actually commit to learning more about this, or any heavy subject, right now.
Alas, maybe one day....
Well, count me in as entirely grateful for every last one of those rebirths that have kept you here growing and living and loving with us.
I promise to send you all the astrophysics fun facts I come across, in poetry or elsewhere.
And yes, the time will come - likely not when you are raising a spirited young one, gosh, I remember the totality of those days!
And THAT, my dear friend, is why I love you so much. ❤️🔥
https://open.substack.com/pub/anonymousemama/p/permission-slip?r=47v0&utm_medium=ios
This writing of yours is really unnerving me, making me so uncomfortable ... It's addressing the comment I made to you on a recent post of yours, where I said that it seems I'm frequently longing for a breakthrough without a breakdown ... I've had more than a few breakthroughs WITH breakdowns (maybe? they were pretty dramatic, disruptive), and although my soulmate and life partner is still here with me (we've recently celebrated the 51st anniversary of the relationship that began when we were babies, just 16 and 17 years old), I cannot imagine my life without him in it and I'm not sure that he will stick around through another breakdown/breakthrough ... or that he will stick around, but he won't be very happy ... Yes, I get that this is my "one wild and precious life", and I need to make it work for ME, but this man really did save me from a future that I do not believe would have been a good one; he showed me that I am lovable as I am, warts and all (and this was NOT the message I was getting from my family of origin, it's still not the message I get from my mother, which is why I have had very limited contact with her over the past 4 years); his family of origin showed me how a loving family supports all it's members, though thick and thin. I have been retired for 15 years now (one of the most recent instances when my longing for a breakthrough in my life entailed somewhat of a breakdown, and required my partner to work for an additional 7 years before he could join me in retirement), and more and more I feel like I want to be doing something MORE with my life and the remaining days I am gifted than what I have been doing ... I don't have much of a clue what "it" is, but it haunts me ... and I am reluctant to do much internal inquiry, introspection, work to figure it out because I do not want to wreck my partnership, my family ... I wonder if I'm just bored with the goodness and contentment of my life, that maybe I have become addicted to the rush of making big and risky changes ... maybe I just need to find a way to reframe what I do with my days as being good, valuable, enough ... I really don't know, but I know that I am scared to answer these questions ... but they're not going away, I can feel that.
More later. But do you remember one of the early questions in wild heart writing “what am I knowing that I do not want to know?” It’s a provoking question. My god, it is. I feel it taunting me, even as I type it to you. But it’s got power, if you’re willing and ready to look it in the eye.
Oh, yes, I do remember that question and I don't think I ever attempted answering it, through the multiple times I went through your class ... it is still too scary ...
Okay, finally returning! Can I say... 51 years!?!? Wow, I bow down to you both for this incredible feat. I also admit to feeling grief and longing for the sort of love story I will not know (I once thought I would, but life changes trajectory sometimes in ways one can never imagine until it is done).
Your comment leaves me with so many questions... wondering if he won't stick around, or if he would but not be happy... It makes me wonder, are these things you talk about? These questions may seem like a lot for a comments section, so feel free to private message if you'd prefer. However, since you left the comment here, I will leave the questions and curiosities as well.
I wonder if reframing might help alleviate some of this discomfort and reluctance? Perhaps the first breakdown is redefining what a breakdown or a collapse or the center not holding might look like. Might it be that all of those things can happen without it crash,bang, boom, imploding your life (or even a portion of it). Might the center give way in a way that is gentle and peaceful or even pleasurable, like letting something no longer needed be swept into the current of a stream and carried off to the ocean? Could it be that the something else or something more comes from the kind of breakdown that is more of an intentional dismanaling and reconfiguring? The sort that is satisfying and itch-stratching and gets the gears aligned?
What if it's okay to be 'bored" and want something new, without having to vilify yourself as the sort of person who is addicted to the rush. what if that craving for newness is directing you toward something affirming and life giving and generative, to you, your partnership, your family - for the simple fact that the more brings you to life in a way you are not right now?
The Almighty God is a skillful Creator