And I feel this deep within my bones, even after 7 years. 2 and a half. 1 and a half. I still don't believe any of it is real.
And I am not ready to believe it. I'm not sure I ever will be.
What I do know is that you and your words are a responding presence and voice in my world that remind me that I am not alone in this.
You will always have a place in my heart and soul, even when you are not sharing your words. Even when you can't bring yourself to put the words on the screen. I will always be here, waiting for when the time comes when you feel ready to share, even the fucked up, crossed out, hidden words, again. <3
I love you back. And I so know what you mean. Those lengths of time, they are so meaningless. You can still be struck by something in the most random moment and have to remember all over again what is real, and what is gone.
And Oh Lulu. "a responding presence" I have never heard that phrase before but it is so very perfect. When I write it always feels like a response to something, someone, somewhere. A correspondence.
Here's to the fucking up, crossed out, hidden words, and all we say when we grapple with the unsayable.
I ache and I weep for your loss. I understand the agony of writing the words that gives that pain life. I wish you love and peace and big, big hugs. Thank you for being here, for sharing your wounds, for being real. You are so loved.
Thank you so much for being here, reading and bearing witness. I have had that impact from loss as well. I think, perhaps, this time the key was that I was writing when I learned, and the two got so linked in my brain that it created a block that I'm still working ot unravel.
I understand. I felt your words in the way that grief is heartbreaking. It is hard to describe how debilitating grief is when you lose someone who is loved so much that you never have to wonder if it will ever change. Thank God love is infinite and you and Kali have a spiritual connection. I hope she visits you in your dreams and sends you love, a nod or smile that lets you know she hears you. You wrote a beautiful tribute to Kali. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you dearheart, it was so powerful for me to get this out here tonight, and to not edit or try to force this into any form but the way it.came out. thank you for being here, reading and holding the stories.
I love you.
And I feel this deep within my bones, even after 7 years. 2 and a half. 1 and a half. I still don't believe any of it is real.
And I am not ready to believe it. I'm not sure I ever will be.
What I do know is that you and your words are a responding presence and voice in my world that remind me that I am not alone in this.
You will always have a place in my heart and soul, even when you are not sharing your words. Even when you can't bring yourself to put the words on the screen. I will always be here, waiting for when the time comes when you feel ready to share, even the fucked up, crossed out, hidden words, again. <3
I love you back. And I so know what you mean. Those lengths of time, they are so meaningless. You can still be struck by something in the most random moment and have to remember all over again what is real, and what is gone.
And Oh Lulu. "a responding presence" I have never heard that phrase before but it is so very perfect. When I write it always feels like a response to something, someone, somewhere. A correspondence.
Here's to the fucking up, crossed out, hidden words, and all we say when we grapple with the unsayable.
I ache and I weep for your loss. I understand the agony of writing the words that gives that pain life. I wish you love and peace and big, big hugs. Thank you for being here, for sharing your wounds, for being real. You are so loved.
Thank you for this. It feels like being held from afar
Ouch. Fuck. I know this feeling. Thank you for sharing. Sending you light
Sending you light right back. If there's one thing I know it is that grief knows grief.
Fuck. And thank you for sharing.🖤
It's powerful to read and feel so viscerally. When I actually had the opposite reaction...
It's interesting how grief fucks with us in different ways. When he died.... I couldn't *not* write. It's literally all I could do...
Thank you so much for being here, reading and bearing witness. I have had that impact from loss as well. I think, perhaps, this time the key was that I was writing when I learned, and the two got so linked in my brain that it created a block that I'm still working ot unravel.
And, holding you in your loss as well.
Fuck.
Big giant fuck or tiny inaudible fuck? Or both?
Both. Definitely both
I understand. I felt your words in the way that grief is heartbreaking. It is hard to describe how debilitating grief is when you lose someone who is loved so much that you never have to wonder if it will ever change. Thank God love is infinite and you and Kali have a spiritual connection. I hope she visits you in your dreams and sends you love, a nod or smile that lets you know she hears you. You wrote a beautiful tribute to Kali. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Of course you understood. We've shared lots of words over these years❤️
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time and suffered such a deep loss.
Thank you dearheart, it was so powerful for me to get this out here tonight, and to not edit or try to force this into any form but the way it.came out. thank you for being here, reading and holding the stories.