I feel this in my bones. In my veins. It is sitting here in my chest. This just cracked something in me open and I think I will be rereading this all day.
I just substituted the word “life” for “story.” A life cannot be lived (authentically, truly, with integrity) but avoiding the potholes and inconsistencies. By dealing with things “later” when the “later” never comes. By pretending. By saying “I’ll be fine.” It’s difficult to summon the bravery to to speak one’s truth. It’s risky, because once spoken, what will it be met with? The end of our lives is like the end of a story. Will we be left hollow by the lack of depth and humanity in the novel we just finished? Will be be forgettable? Similarly, will our last thought be that we were left largely unknown, because the truest parts of our selves dwell in the potholes and inconsistencies we steered around for our own short term benefit or for the benefit of who did not have the capacity or interest to know us fully. A life can be lived this way. My casual observation is that it’s more common than not. And perhaps for some, living in solitude in the potholes is truly sufficient. They don’t wish to be fully known, and my own measure of intimacy is simply that - my own. But for those of us who don’t want to read a forgettable book or live a forgettable life, we must be emotional risk takers. It’s a tall order, but it’s a risk worth at least cautious consideration, if the core of you feels lonely and unknown and that is not an acceptable last chapter of your story.
I think the stories that share the truth, vulnerability, or even how fucked up something was are worth reading. Those moments when you want to look up and say,”THANK YOU” and you don’t care who is looking at you. Even if they are thinking, “Is that person over there talking to themselves?” It is about content being relatable. The fairytale thing is so boring after a while. You grow-up and realize that shit is not true because life is messy sometimes. I do read things that I find comforting. Even the hard things people go through-I think that is one way to feel less alone. Inspirational things that make you feel like okay I am in the middle of a shit storm, but that thing I just read is going to reinforce that nothing outside of me defines my worth.
I feel this in my bones. In my veins. It is sitting here in my chest. This just cracked something in me open and I think I will be rereading this all day.
I just substituted the word “life” for “story.” A life cannot be lived (authentically, truly, with integrity) but avoiding the potholes and inconsistencies. By dealing with things “later” when the “later” never comes. By pretending. By saying “I’ll be fine.” It’s difficult to summon the bravery to to speak one’s truth. It’s risky, because once spoken, what will it be met with? The end of our lives is like the end of a story. Will we be left hollow by the lack of depth and humanity in the novel we just finished? Will be be forgettable? Similarly, will our last thought be that we were left largely unknown, because the truest parts of our selves dwell in the potholes and inconsistencies we steered around for our own short term benefit or for the benefit of who did not have the capacity or interest to know us fully. A life can be lived this way. My casual observation is that it’s more common than not. And perhaps for some, living in solitude in the potholes is truly sufficient. They don’t wish to be fully known, and my own measure of intimacy is simply that - my own. But for those of us who don’t want to read a forgettable book or live a forgettable life, we must be emotional risk takers. It’s a tall order, but it’s a risk worth at least cautious consideration, if the core of you feels lonely and unknown and that is not an acceptable last chapter of your story.
I think the stories that share the truth, vulnerability, or even how fucked up something was are worth reading. Those moments when you want to look up and say,”THANK YOU” and you don’t care who is looking at you. Even if they are thinking, “Is that person over there talking to themselves?” It is about content being relatable. The fairytale thing is so boring after a while. You grow-up and realize that shit is not true because life is messy sometimes. I do read things that I find comforting. Even the hard things people go through-I think that is one way to feel less alone. Inspirational things that make you feel like okay I am in the middle of a shit storm, but that thing I just read is going to reinforce that nothing outside of me defines my worth.