10 Of My Personal Truths About Wholeness.

Becoming a woman sovereign unto herself.

There comes a time in the evolution of a human on this earth where she gets tired of asking permission to live and breathe and be and love in the way that is most honest and true.

When that happens, she stops looking outside of herself and she writes her own permission slip and she doesn’t look back. 

Sovereignty born of creating a new relationship to wholeness. That’s what I call it. 

Somehow, through all the twists and turns and fuckery of this life, I became a woman who is sovereign unto herself. 

Does this mean I’ve beaten all my demons and that I don’t give a fuck and that everything is peachy keen all the time?  

Oh hell no. Not even close.

I am a woman who will forever be grappling with herself—pushing and growing and expanding and contracting. Learning and unlearning and tripping over the same lessons 50 times or more on the way to integration. It gets messy in this brain and heart and body of mine. That’s just how I’m made. 

But the fact remains that there is not a person, or relationship,  or religion, or belief system or organization that holds me to any agreement that negates my contract with myself. 

“I would rather be whole than good” 

Carl Jung. 

These words are inked, in my own handwriting, in a curving path along my lower left rib.  A reminder of my holiness, my wholeness, my goodness.  For years, my bargains have left invisible scars, now I choose to bring them right to the surface. 

My wholeness is my own. Now, always and forever.

My wholeness is utterly uninvested in being liked.

My god, how much time in this life have I wasted wanting to be liked. Wanting to fit in. Wanting to do/wear/dress/act/know the right things so that I could be whatever it is that they wanted me to be.

The unpopular, late-bloomer, wanna-be-the-cool-girl in me perpetually feeling like I was on the outside looking in, a misfit right from the start. But there’s something about getting older…something about this journey into my own sovereignty that makes it less and less important how you feel about me at all.

The more that is lost along the way, the more I stand solidly on the ground of myself. 

I like me, and honestly, that’s the most important piece of the whole damn equation.